Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Changing Back

So there I am last night having a post Christmas meal with my father, mother and family. The table is covered with food, turkey, ham, meatballs, pyrogies, cabbage rolls, perishke, salad, potatoes, dressing etc etc. I am looking at at all this wonderful food but thinking back to the young children I photographed in the slums of Poipet. "What are the children doing? What is that girl with the big eyes doing now who lived next to the garbage dump, what is she eating today tonight?"

9 days ago I was photographing groping ladyboys in short time sex rooms bars of Pattaya Thailand, 11 days ago was photographing people slaving pulling large wagons of goods across the border, 12 days go Cambodian children playing in garbage, 14 days ago Thai teenagers smelling glue from bags, 15 days ago people working picking up garbage in the canals of Klong Toey, 17 days ago young 12 year old boys training to become Muay Thai boxers.

Now I have to change back to being Canadian security guard again. Last night I was sitting with this table full of food in front of me, listening to the group talk about the weather and what pills they were taking for upset stomachs and acid reflex etc.

My 45 year old sister who does not work, has no responsibilities and has everything provided for her is complaining. She lives in a beautiful big house with her pets is talking about her stomach issues and telling stories of her numerous animal (Bob did this and Dodo did that). I am sitting there half listening and half thinking of the young girl with the big eyes in Poipet living in the garbage, of the family of more than 10 (5 or more children) living in a run down slum shack, of the 7 year old girl washing dishes in the back of her small wooden house at the back of a  temple, of the young teenage boys in Bangkok sniffing glue, of the workers I photographed in Bangkok standing, working, living in garbage. Now today here I was sitting at this table of food with my family listening to my sister telling stories of her dogs, cats, doves etc. It all seems so surreal. Is this world I live in now real? Do people worry more about doves, cats and dogs more than they do hungry children in slums?

How do I switch back to being a Canada guy again? 

The great photographers like Salgado, Sheikh, McCullin switch back between these worlds often (and they see truly horrific things much worse than I experienced), not sure how they do it, maybe it's something I have to learn.

The photographers that switch back from these other worlds are no doubt irrevocably changed by their experiences (how can you not be?). They must just pretend better, hide it better than I can, this will take me some time.